haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i came on her dog
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
