Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
