He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
