i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
