were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize