First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
