just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
