Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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