Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
