She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
