if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
