I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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