i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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