Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
