I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
