Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
