1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
