why didn't you poke me back
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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