Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize