Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
