I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
