YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
