My hand turned me down
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize