We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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