I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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