the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
