i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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