Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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