That's intense
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
