I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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