So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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