Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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