I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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