SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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