Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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