he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
