took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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