So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
