omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You are a genius and a whore.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
