ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
