you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
