I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
