just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
