my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
