he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
