I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
