He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
