so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
