i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
