yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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