Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
