all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
