Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
