Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
