The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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