Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
