i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
