Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Someone signed my nipple.
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