I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
