dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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