totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
