Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
