dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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