I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So squirting runs in the family.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
His nipple licking is glorious
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