Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We need to rekindle our bromance
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
