Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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