how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
