i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
